No Passing Zone

Spring is my least favorite of all the seasons. Didn't care too much for the Vivaldi impression, either...

I don't like this feeling, like I'm staring at the rest of my life from the top looking down--the bottom looks closer from the top, everything on the slant leading to the end appears scrunched and bunched up like the excess plastic wrapping on last night's leftovers. Don't know what's going to happen, but I still fear that nothing will, nothing will change. That no matter how much I personally grow, no one will look at me any different. I'll still look sixteen to the world until suddenly I wake up with premature wrinkles and gray hair... why should that worry me? No where near that sort of thing. Time flies so fast though... I spent my entire life so far looking ahead, waiting for some miraculous event to occur, take this leap off into a happier place and leave that hell behind. The answer always hid in the distance. Well, it isn't going to pop out of my goddamn cereal box when I'm twenty five. I don't even eat cereal.

I know that I'm going to have to be my own hero, my own favorite person, my own support.

Watched American Idol with my dad--all of the sudden I'm critiquing these people like I know what the hell I'm talking about. Never cared much for the show, but that host guy and Simon are the best thing about it. It's pretty funny to see my dad really involved, though. He has his favorites, knows all the rules, watched almost all the episodes... It's so cute.

My brother has gone through three girlfriends that I know about already. Holy shit. My brother is a middle school heartthrob. What was I doing his age? ... lol We had just moved again, from granny's to Winter Haven. I remember being his age. Never fit in, and I tried for a few years. I tell Conan now, "just be yourself, don't give a fuck what anyone else says..." I wish someone had told me that. I also tell him to be nice to girls, but don't treat them differently. I don't want him doing what I did and think the opposite sex is a completely different and exotic species.

Oh, crap, that makes me a bad sister, giving my brother advice with fuck in it...