I love coming here. The absolute solitude during the day really helps clear my head, and the conversations I get to have with my dad both enthrall me and frighten me. He's tired, and he told me if it wasn't for Conan and I, he really doesn't see a point in being here... it scared me a little, but I can't say I don't blame him... he's gone through a lot, lived a lot, worked a lot... but it's right down scary.
Well, with this world turning to shit, I've got no where to run anymore, no pretty future to dream about, no prince (or rich old benefactors) to come and wisk me away. The way I'm living now... The way I am... I don't like it. I hate it, even. So, today, right now, I'm going to start changing. Nothing's overnight, but I feel better already. It's hard not thinking about the past, how much I want to go back and just hug my younger self and say, "it's okay, it's okay, I love you and you are beautiful." Well, I guess that won't change, but I can learn from it. Instead of waiting twenty years down the road, I'll tell myself now--it's okay, it's okay. I love you and you are beautiful.
Well! Enough of that sappy shit, I'm going clothes shopping. >:)
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