So I haven't expected to end up here after class, of all places. One year ago--to this day--at this time--I was here, probably doing something similar on the internet, under completely different circumstances. When I entered the office, I hadn't expected the sudden rush of nostaglia. But I remember it, this place... the frustration... the fear... the boredom. Muggy afternoons like this--how strange to be here again and feel the same sensations! Like no time had passed. I don't feel in control when I'm here.
He's changed the numbers on the wall. They were written out on an aging sheet of paper, so old you've wouldn't have guessed it was once white. Now the numbers are printed out on computer paper, taped up in the old one's place. A new slip went up next to it--'repair order functions.' Nothing's moved otherwise.
For someone so wordy, it's hard to describe the emotions I'm feeling right now.
This week--last week--this month--
I don't complain much--make it a point not to--but I feel seriously overwhelmed. Not yet to the point I cannot stand it, but I'm gassed. Get me off the ice--send me to the showers, please.
How much have I changed, from this day one year ago? Still a procrastinator, but I know the consequences are much more severe now. Perhaps more confident, if a only a little more.
My grandmother's smile doesn't change from picture to picture. I seem to raise my left cheek a little when I smile, but I see a picture when I don't. I look so happy as a six year old--my hair was golden straw blond, I had frowning brown eyes, but they exude a maturity and knowing you don't expect children to have. So clear faced, so pure... So tan lol. I look like I'm hiding in my high school picture. My tendency to layer clothes hasn't changed much.
No matter how far I run, I'll never be able to leave this place unless I learn to let go, leave it behind for the smile to snag onto when I do remember. Cut the straps holding me facing backwards, look ahead again.
Ah, yes! There was an anime I wanted to watch, but I didn't have a fast enough connection in the laundry room. Sweet deal.
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