Dashboard

I think I can finally move forward. The light switch clicked for me today, and it took but thirty seconds. What a refreshing feeling, to just let it all go, go to hell for all I care, and look inside and like what I see.

I guess everything happens for a reason--it's too painful to think that we're gliding pointlessly forward in time by coincidence. Even if I'm wrong, I don't care. If my delusion makes sense, I'll live with it. I'm tired of trying to strip away the layers to see what's beneath--there's nothing there. Nothing but me.

How long will this last? A night? A week? How long before I start yearning again, start pounding away at humanity? I hate being hormonal...

Walked the lake today again, alone with my ipod on shuffle. Halfway through, I started working on my smile, getting both sides to match. My lopsided grin is not going to get me a date. So I tried--by various contorted facial expressions--to do the physically taxing task of lifting my dormant eyebrow as well, and I looked like a psychotic freak strolling down the path, occasionally humming and chuckling at nothing as my face twitched and spasmed. Yep.

I look forward to the day I look back at all these pointless, muddled posts when I'm fifty and say, "boy, were you stupid. And so needlessly brooding..."

Well, to you, my fifty year old self, I say this--"screw off."